Melissa Stites Creator of STC Questionnaire with NCG Readers

Melissa Stites is the owner of “There Once Was a Curl.” She’s CHA trained which is in my opinion one of the highest accreditation to have as a curly haired stylist. You can find her salon’s website here, her salon Facebook page here, and her salon Instagram here! Thank you so much, Melissa.

I cannot express how sweet, endearing and lovely you are. Melissa is truly one of the nicest, dearest and lovely people to deal with. Thank you for allowing me to share your Youtube video, your questionnaire and most of all: teaching us how to love our waves, curls, and coils!

Melissa’s Original Blogpost: http://www.thereoncewasacurl.com/blog/squish-to-condish

Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/CB1EZ_Y0JbE

Question #1: I'm curious to understand the science behind the STC (squish to condish) method and its effectiveness. Does it really work (especially on low porosity hair)? If so, how? Whenever I do it, it just feels like I'm squishing all of my conditioner out of my hair? And lastly, is there a right/wrong way to do it?

Melissa’s Answer: Hi y'all — I wrote the ‘Squish to Condish’ quite some time ago. Please do not look at it as a science article. Its purpose is to teach you the technique of adding more water as opposed to adding more conditioner. It is what I say while doing someone’s hair with a mirror at the bowl. It is just a teaching tool that has caught on like wildfire — I must say. The hardest part of my job is teaching my clients how to change their habits! I want you to get your hair WET and squish out the conditioner. Not a leave in, not a rinse out, but a squish it out. OHHHHH if I could get you all in my chair I would! But please do not look too far into it. It was never meant to be anything more than a help to start you to loving your curls!

Questions #2 and #3: Wet it really well before and after you conditioner or just before?

Melissa’s Answer: Get the hair very wet, add the conditioner to each and every hair strand, the conditioner will begin to help get the hair wetter, add more water to each and every hair strand and squish out the conditioner. Catch that soaking wet frizz free curl with your gel or cream.

Melissa’s Answer in More Detail:
You see when clients come in for the first time: this is where they struggle the most.
We stick our head under the shower head for a hot second and then plop a big palm full of conditioner on the top of our head and then try to rake it through. Cosmetic thinking that we have to coat our hair to tame it.

What I want you to do is allow the hair to absorb the water then add light amount of conditioner to each and every hair strand.

Do not miss a spot! It will let you know if you do! I would like you to add more water, to each and every hair strand, splash your self, get the middles and not just the ends then squish out the conditioner.

You should be left with a frizz free, clumpy, curl.

Those of you who are already getting good curls are probably doing this in some way, shape of form.

But think of a newbie who is just getting started and is overwhelmed with all the talk of product and science.

It is for them and there is still a lot of them out there that I'm trying to reach. Those who can't get to my chair and see how it is done.

Heat, Relaxer, Damage, Etc., FAQ: Let's Get You Ready to Love Your Hair!

For many of us curly girls — including myself — we came from a place of relaxers, excessive heat damage and a general hatred of the natural texture of our hair.  Due to the surge of curly haired groups, the internet and general popularity: a lot more girls are putting down their flat irons, stopping their relaxers, and embracing themselves whether it be their coils, curls, and or waves!

A question that comes up a lot for new CGM girls is how they can recover from heat damage, why won’t their curls "curl like they used to," and how they can somehow handle the damage while embracing their curls.

I’ll break this FAQ down by general questions and two specific caterogies on the fine and coarse hair texture.

GENERAL FAQ FOR ALL GIRLS WITH RELAXERS, HEAT DAMAG ETC. BASED UPON QUESTIONS WHICH I HAVE RECEIVED:

QUESTION 1: My hair used to be a 3B! Now it’s just a 2B if that!Why won’t it curl like it used to? 

Answer:

If you were addicted to the relaxant and or heat (like I was to the point of going from a 3B with 3C to a 2C) than you know that excessive heat changes your curl pattern. No matter how many curling products you put in your hair: you’ll notice those beautiful curls that you had aren’t the same. You’ll notice the ends don’t curl, you may have a thousand different patterns and your hair never seems to do what you want. As anyone who did relaxers: they’d know when it’s time for a new treatment when their roots (their natural hair) weren’t straight or wasn't 'behaving' as it should.

Now you have two choices on your journeys if you decide (which you mostly likely have at this point if you're joining the group and emailing me): the first option is you can do a big chop you or two you can slowly outgrow the damage and trim and cut as needed.

I personally did the latter — not once, not twice, but three times. I was not on the CGM at these decisions — but after my third time of retaining excessive damage and seeing so much self-hated for my own hair and culture in my reflection. I decided that I didn't want to spend hours, avoiding the beach, avoiding the humidity and even resorting to wrapping my hair with a plastic bag (I am not joking) when it one time rained.

I wanted to care for my curls better. I wanted to show other curly girls form my culture that curls weren't ugly -- but beautiful, unique, and had something special in them despite what society ingrained into all textured hair girls. Hence this nerd decided what she was attempting to do was never working and decided to divulge into research.

Like some curly girls: I also had done this process more than once — like I mentioned. 

Due to this: I can also guarantee that it takes commitment or the damage will never go away. I spent many years frying my hair to death (literally) and slowly regretting and deciding to let it grow. However in 2013, I said never again after sustaining the worst heat damage of my life and have not used heat (in any form) on my hair since then. I’ve genuinely been completely heat-free; that includes heat from diffusing, etc. After your hair is healthy: you can decide how heat works. 

QUESTION 2: I’ve always used relaxers on my hair — so I don’t know how to handle my natural hair. I don’t even know what it looks like. 

Answer:

This is something that I relate to. While I did know my hair was curly and not wavy (as the Iron of Death had done to my locks), I didn’t realize that my hair was as curly as it was. I also had no idea how to care for it outside of using some deep conditioners, knowing my hair couldn’t shampooing everyday, that it was coarse in width, it needed silicones to look shiny, and that my hair would never stay straight. I would achieve the perfect ‘straightening look’ for a few hours after 4-5 passes and then I’d slowly revert to a wavy frizzy mop. 

I see a lot of girls trying to navigate their own textures even without heat damage. Regardless if you do CGM, take baby steps or do a different method: your hair won’t be foreign to you anymore. You’ll learn as you go. No head of hair is the same and I know women who have been on the CGM for 10 years and are still learning that their hair doesn’t like this specific ingredient of this _____ part of CGM wasn’t working for them. It’s confusing, it can be hard, and it’s not easy… but there’s an entire community that are going through the same struggles and will support you throughout your journey!

QUESTION 3: What’s your best advice if don’t big chop and slowly out grow the damage? 

Answer:

The most important is step if you want to pursue this method is that you put away the heating tool.s I’m being serious. If you’re relaxed and or heat damaged than your hair is already weakened and affected. A lot of women will say, “Just use your curling rod to curl the abnormal pieces until your natural pattern comes back!” Well — that’s a true oxymoron — since that’s a step backwards because that’s more heat. My personal advice would be to feed your hair moisture, be extra gentle in your detangling as if your hair were baby fine (even if it isn’t), and use a form of  a protective style that you’re used to or is apart of your culture.


QUESTION 4: I’m going to do the Big Chop Route. What would you recommend? I have coily naturally hair — so I feel as if will I have no hair. 

Answer:

Don’t be nervous! I would say that every girl who ever big chopped that I’ve seen has looked amazing. You can also do a lot of fun thins during this time! There’s wigs! You can pursue that crazy lavender hair that you've always wanted — but were too nervous to do. There’s beautiful and inexpensive hair wraps that you can wear casually, formally and so many ways to express yourself. There’s even safe way to experiment with extensions. 

I know that you can find beautiful affordable wigs, but if you can afford it than getting a wig with coily hair similar to your own pattern: it can be very insightful to learn how to care for your hair. 

I see beauty and confidence in Big Chops because I know they’re not easy. You will look beautiful because you’re embracing your true self. By saying no to relaxers: you’re showing little coily girls that their hair is beautiful too. There’s a lot of girls who also inspired their own family to put away the irons, stop the relaxers or even give the CGM a try.


QUESTION FIVE: I’m not going the Big Chop Route, but the trim and go route the outgrow route with frequent trims. What’s your advice? 

Answer:

Firstly, I’d book an appointment with a curly specialist to see what they say. I always recommend CHA stylists if possible (they're the stylists which I personally endorse) — but if you can’t local than look for a Top Tier Devacurl Stylist with great reviews, photos, etc.

You will NOT be the first client who has damage and is trying to recover their hair — so don’t be nervous. 

That cut it also a great place to start. If you can’t afford that or your hair is too damaged in your opinion to handle that type of cut: I take off the most damaged ends by the local stylist that you trust. Be strict that you’re trying to recover your curls, don’t want a flat ironing, relaxer and or blow out, etc. and you are trying to recover your hair. You can even self trim every 6 weeks.

Gradually before you know it: a lot of damage will be gone and you’ll start on the journey of loving your curls and your natural pattern will regrow.


QUESTION SIX: I KNOW ALL DAMAGED HAIR IS HIGH POROSITY BUT, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY NEW HAIR? 

Answer:

This is where you’re going rehear a terminology that if you’ve read my website and or hair analyses in the group (or one of the Curly Girl Method groups) is something called “mix-porosity.” This means your damaged hair is high-porosity, but your new growth is normal-low. The best advice that I would give here — if you can afford it — is to do a hair analysis with Wendy (link here) at the start of your journey and do another one when you feel your hair is curlier, healthier and you’ve been on the CGM for at least 6-12 months depending upon how fast your hair grows.

Pay attention to how your ‘damaged hair’ acts versus your new growth is. A hair analysis journey and keeping documentation of your first and follow up is also a deep insight into the changes your own hair is undergoing.


Now that I’ve covered the 6 main questions that I’ve been receiving: I’d like to address something specifically.


Let’s address two specific textures below. The main ones whose hair is really complex during any type of immense damage (we’re talking bad dye jobs, relaxants, and or heat damage): I wanted to make a specific subcategory for them

DAMAGED FINE HAIR:

Fine hair —as we’ve already established here on the website as well as numerous times on many other scientific websites — is made up from a lack of keratin  hence why the cuticle is so thin (in diameter) and weak compared to a coarse stand where it’s wide (in width due to excess of keratin) and strong. On a healthy head of fine-haired curls without damage: they’re going to crave  protein. Now when you're dealing with hyper-porous and hyper damaged fine hair: what's the plan?The terminology you’e probably seen suggested most for damaged fine hair is, “Protein treatments. “ You’ll see these recommended a lot for heat damage, but it’s imperative for fine hair in general even when healthy. 

However the porosity of that fine hair — such as low — will alter what type of proteins your hair craves. A fine haired girl whose hair is very low-porosity may find that only smaller proteins work for her since they're the only ones which penetrate her closed cuticles. Whereas a fine haired girl with hyper damaged high-porosity hair will required large proteins — such as hydrolyzed wheat, oat, etc. or DIY gelatin treatments — to see an effect. 

I’ll be doing a product post on products that I recommend for fine hair that’s high porosity upcoming this week. However for now, I’m trying to keep this as brief as possible in terms of advice for those products posts. 

The main factors that you’ll you need to focus on are: scheduled protein treatments, moisturizing yet protein rich  conditioners, and be hyper-gentle. Treat your hair like silk cashmere that can tear in a split second. You need to place  intensive detail to retain whatever is left of your hair. A lot of time women with fine hair (regardless of their texture) will notate how low-density they were during their relaxers, straightening, etc. days versus the density they have when their hair is completely free of one of the aforementioned. A lot of times it’s because hair — especially fine — cannot handle the stress that’s being put on to retain its unnatural texture.

DAMAGED COARSE HAIR: 

This is where things get tricky… and by tricky: I mean that we all know excess damage strips the cuticle and us naturally coarse girls can damage our hair down to medium depending upon its damage. The same thing that makes our hair so strong also makes it resistant. By resistant: it’s resistant to heat and relaxers for instance — so we’re generally the ones who are known for using the highest heat possible. To maintain that ‘unnatural texture’ aka the straight hair: it takes a lot of strength in dyes, heat and or relaxers to penetrate. 

So — where does that leave the damaged high-porosity coarse girls? Depending upon the severity of damage: it’s a conflicting area. Generally, you won’t see good effects by extreme protein treatments for instance unless the hair has been stripped to the point of being delayered in its cuticles. We also don’t crave protein or have hair like a fine haired person. What works then?

Generally, I’d say that moisturizing our hair is a huge factor. Most coarse girls will have a tendency to not shampoo daily. Why? We generally don’t have very oily scalps.  There’s also scaling of coarseness — may I add — as well. You can be a combination of medium and coarse (naturally) or coarse-medium (due to hyper damage) unnaturally. A good way to tell is to compare your body hair to the hair on your head. I don’t know many coarse girls who ever shampooed daily or if they did: they happened to have “dandruff problems.” In reality, they were experiencing dry scalp from over-shampooing.

As for proteins, I wouldn’t advise gelatin treatments (please notate that I ‘recommend’ but don’t personally endorse due to their animal ingredients) — but would advise to work something like Innersense or Mill CreeK Keratin into your regimen to fill in those porous spots. However coarse hair is already more porous than fine hair is — so feed it moisture! A good way to implement a ‘protein filler’ to damaged curly hair is with Aloe Vera juice or gel. 

Focus a lot on moisture, deep conditioning regularly and one good thing is that your hair is thirsty. Feed it moisture! Don’t be concerned about feeding it moisture because for years: it’s been dehydrated. High porosity hair (especially coarse) will be dry. 

Shea and Coconut Oil Free Deep Conditioners (Protein and Protein Free)

Deep Steep: you can purchase it here or here. If you order off iHerb: you can save 5% on your entire order with the code 'PPZ142' (my referral link) and if you add in any one of these items to your cart than you save 10%. I started using referral links, so we can both save money. There's nothing that I profit from via the referral program that you do not.

• Attributes: affordable, has aloe vera, has quinoa protein (a smalller protein that's at the end of its ingredient list), clean, organic, certified cruelty free by PETA, contains glycerin, is vegan (please note that Deep Steep is 100% cruelty-free but not every item is vegan)

Acure Deep Root Conditioner: you can purchase it here or here. As stated in the first product: you can use my referral link to save 5-10% on your entire order by doing so. Right now Amazon is offering $1 off and it's eligible for its Subscribe and Save program.

• Attributes: affordable, has aloe vera, has cocoa butter (if that's an allergen), has glycerin, has glyceryl stearate, is 100% organic, 100% cruetly-free certified by Leaping Bunny and vegan

MYHoney Child Olive You Deep Conditioner: you can buy it here. 

• Attributes: NOT dairy allergy friendly, has honey, protein free, neither certified cruelty-free or vegan, not organic but nothing hyper alarming in terms of its cleanness 

OBIA NATURALS Babassu Deep Conditioner: you can buy it here (you can order it online and pick up in store if it’s not available locally to you) or here. This is also eligible for the Subscribe and Save program which saves a lot of money!

• Attributes: protein free, certified cruelty by PETA and 100% vegan, no butters whatsoever, has glycerin, contains aloe low at the list, contains fragrance (but could be naturally derived; completely unsure until I email the company) and moderately clean

Alikay Naturals Moisture Repairing Mask: you can buy it here (you can order it online and pick up in store if it’s not available locally to you) or here. 

• Attributes: contains aloe, protein free, not cruelty free or vegan, contains avocado butter, not the cleanest but not as bad others, contains artificial fragrance and dyes

Mielle Organics Babassu Oil Mint Deep Conditioner: you can buy it here or here (you can order it online and pick up in store if it’s not available locally to you) — but they’re generally available at any Target or Sally’s.

• Attributes: NOT dairy allergy friendly, contains proteins that are easy to penetrate well even in low-porosity hair, has Murumuru butter which is a lighter butter, is not certified cruelty free or vegan, and moderately clean

Alikay Naturals Honey and Sage Deep Conditioner: you can buy it here (you can order it online and pick up in store if it’s not available locally to you) or here.

• Attributes: contains aloe, contains honey, unnamed botanicals, caramel, silk amino proteins, is not cruelty free or vegan, and is moderately clean

Soultanicals Afrotastic Curl Elastic: you can buy it here (you can order it online and pick up in store if it’s not available locally to you) or directly from Soultanicals here. 

• Attributes: it DOES contain Shea butter — but no coconut oil and it’s low on the ingredient lists, contains herbal botanicals, contains aloe, contains protein, is clean and undergoing its certifications necessary to prove cruelty-free status but has answered numerous questions on its testing practices to me as well as manufacturer of item hence why I continue to purchase

John Masters Organic Intensive Conditioner: you can purchase it here. 

• Attributes: moderate-expensive — but not for the amount of ingredients and ULTA always allows coupons,100% organic, contains both smaller proteins and hydrolyzed proteins, 100% certified cruelty-free by PETA but not vegan due to the honey, contains aloe, contains honey

Karen’s Body Beautiful Luscious Locks Hair Mask: you can buy it here.

• Attributes: expensive, contains aloe, contains agave, contains glycerin, arnica (don’t use if pregnant), and botanicals, protein free, not cruelty free or vegan, moderately clean as in nothing is specifically scary

Biolage HyraSource Conditioning Balm: you can buy it here. Sally’s also makes a generic version sold here — as well as Walmart does, but Walmart’s does not contains. You can buy Walmart’s here.

• Attributes: not expensive for a salon brand, not cruelty (neither are the dupes) or vegan, contains parabens, contains propylene glycol, contains aloe, not clean at all